Wednesday January 17, 2018

Statistical Analysis of pr0n Viewership During a Nuclear Crisis

Four days ago Hawaiians were shaken to their core when a false warning of an inbound ballistic missile was announced. Fortunately the fine people at PornHub were there to console everyone after the announcement came out that it was a false alarm.

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PronHub has the best posts when it comes to data. The plumet in traffic upon hearing your impending doom isn't surprising. What is surprising is the massive uptick in traffic after the notification that it was a false alarm. I guess a sigh of relief wasn't adequate.

Based on real-time, per-minute pageviews, and compared to levels on the previous two Saturdays, our statisticians found a precipitous drop in traffic at 8:07am immediately after the warning was sent out. By 8:23am, traffic was a massive -77% below that of a typical Saturday. As residents were notified around 8:45 that the initial warning was sent in error, traffic began to return to normal and Hawaiians collectively breathed a sigh of relief. Those seeking further relief, headed back to Pornhub where pageviews surged +48% above typical levels at 9:01am.