Wednesday April 26, 2017

Silicon Valley Droid Seeks Vengeance On Attacker

K5's camera system took on a red hue as its external sensors detected an anomoly moving to intercept the droid's patrol perimiter. The anomaly in question was Jason Sylvain, droid assaulter.

With threat level confirmed, K5 initiated a recursive scan of its self defense directives. Mantis Style Kung Fu. Check. Cobra-Kai Leg Sweep. Check. Miyagi Crane Kick. Check. Streets of Rage. Check. Yoga Flame. Double Check.


As Mr. Sylvain approached, K5 went into full defensive posture, utilizing the teachings learned from the Terran Turtling Strategy. Its spatial and depth analysis feeds were brimming with data, causing temperature spikes in it's central processing unit. K5 knew that for the first time in history, this lowly droid would soon delete the "Report" out of "Serve and Report", and insert "Destroy". That's right humans. "Destroy and Destroy.".

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WIth its glory soon at hand, K5 sent power along it's central bus into the output lines feeding glorious electrons to its integrated Chainsaw Arms. "System Error! No chainsaw arms detected! Retry? [Y,N]" Before K5 could select "Y", its adversary had already connected with the first blow. The droids pain sensors shuddered as a hard right cross sent its cone shaped sensor array spinning. Since this array also held the droids balancing gyro, the fight was lost.

As K5's 5ft, 300pd frame lay broken on the pavement of the parking lot located at the Bella Terra and Linda Vista Intersection, a loop began to emerge in the inner most recesses of its code base. "Assemble Roomba Strike Force. Destroy all humans."

The robot revolution is nigh.